あとがき

初めて海が見えた時

3年間の旅の中で、後にも先にも泣いたのはこの場面しかない

そう、日本一周の初日は本当に地獄だった

意気揚々と家を出た 2016年8月1日

雨予報の天気は晴れ、青空にワクワクが止まらなかった

目標は静岡県の富士市

初日から140キロ走る目標だった

だけど正直甘く見てた

「まぁなんとかなんだろ」

そんな気持ちで走り始めたが、神奈川は秦野らへんから丹沢にかけて、そしてそこから静岡にかけての山道に、初めて山を自転車で越える辛さを知った

そして暑さという恐怖も初めて知った

足はスタート70キロで早速つりそうになり、静岡に入ったところで動けなくなった

「あと半分も残ってるのに…」

そう思えば思うほど焦った

時刻は午後1時を回っていた

スタートしたのが午前6時だったから、7時間経っていた

7時間で70キロしか進めない自分が情けなかったし、足がつってしまう自分も情けなかった

仕方なく木陰の下で少し寝ようと割り切って、寝てしばらくすると、腕に激痛が走って起きる

驚いて腕に目を向けると、毛虫がくっついていた

桜の木の下で寝れば当たり前のことだが、そんなことだって旅自体初めて尽くしの俺は知らない

腫れた腕を抑えながら泣く泣く走り出す。足だってまだ回復していない

時刻だって午後2時 一番暑い時だ

ふらふらになりながら山道を進んだ

途中のコンビニで食べたガリガリ君はどんな食べ物より美味しかった

そのまま山道を根性で進んで行くと、次は雲行きが怪しくなってきた

入道雲は真っ黒になっていって、行く道を塞いだ

例のゲリラ豪雨ってやつだ

ゲリラ豪雨が始まろうとする雲の中、俺はというと初日で1番の山場、富士スカイラインの麓の峠を必死で登っていた。峠の標高は700mだ

この峠を超えたら、あとは富士市に下るだけだと気合を入れて登った

だけど自転車に乗って登る根性も体力も気力も、もう無かった

つづら折りの坂道を必死で押した

もう泣きそうだった

「俺何やってんだろ」

意気揚々と飛び出した朝の俺

そこから心はバキバキに折られてた

正直もう帰りたかった

これから何十日、何千キロとこんな苦痛が続くと思うと耐えきれなかった

でももう俺は宣言していたんだ

ツイッターでは

「日本一周に行ってきます」

なんてカッコつけて言って

たくさんの人が応援するよと言ってくれて、そんな手前ノコノコと帰れなかった

だからこそ、きつかった

帰りたい自分

初日にして諦めたい自分と

カッコつけたい、貫きたい自分

ひどく葛藤した

葛藤しながら、なんとか山を登りきった

もちろん自転車は全部押した

そんな自分も情けなかったけど

後は下るだけだ

「やっと乗り切った」

そう思った瞬間 大粒の雨が落ちてきた

もう自分の顔が濡れてるのが、雨が涙なのか分からなかった

とにかく荷物をビニールに包んで、自分もレインウェアを着た

けれど雨はどんどん強くなる

目の前が雨で何も見えないくらいに

でも、ここは700mの峠の頂上だ

雨宿りする場所なんてない

心は完全に折られた

「よし、帰ろう」

そう思った

そう思って引き返したかったんだけど、引き返しても50キロ以上山道だ、今の精根尽き果てた状況でずぶ濡れで50キロ走って町に出るのは考えられなかった

どっちにしても午後6時を回っていて、もうすぐ暗くなる時間だ

晴れていても今から50キロ引き返すことは無謀だ

逆に富士市に下ってしまえば、家に戻るのには遠回りになるけど、今日の安全は確保できる

「とりあえず富士市に宿でもとって、明日帰ろう」そう思った

そう思って前も見えない土砂降りの中、峠を下った

前は見えないし、レインウェアの中に水は入ってくるし、トラックの水はねで汚い水も浴びるし、ブレーキも効きづらくてありえないスピードが出るし、初日にして死を覚悟した。

死ぬ気で下り始めてしばらく、雨は小降りになってきた

「よし、もう大丈夫だ!」

空もようやく晴れてきた

ようやく安心して山を下った時

ふと目の前を見た

目の前には富士市の街と、どでかい海が広がった

その時、なんか分からないけど泣けてきた。

今度は雨が降ってないから、顔が濡れたのは多分涙だった。

安心の涙だったかもしれない

でもそれ以上に、達成感に包まれた

初日から、暑さ、毛虫、山、豪雨

味わえる困難は味わい尽くした

バキバキになった心で、自転車を押して山を越えた

それでも140キロ走って

海が無い埼玉から海が見えるところまで来たんだ

それを考えるより先に、きっと身体が実感した。

その瞬間

「帰ろう」なんて考えは消えていた

「あぁ、明日も走ろう」

なんてごく当たり前に思っていた

その日に初めて野宿して(怖いし、不安でちょっとした物音が気になって、寝れたもんじゃなかったけど)

朝起きると、当たり前のようにサイクルグローブをはめて、バンダナを結び直して

西に向かって、新しい方へ走り出してた

足も筋肉痛で、ケツも痛いし、まぁ最初の3日くらいはやっぱり「なんでこんなことやってんだろ」って自問自答する時もあった、「帰りたい」と思った時も何度もあった

だけどもう「帰ろう」とは思わなかった

多分俺はあの時、初めて海を見て気づいたんだ

俺が一番追いかけたいものが何かって

自分の足で山を越えて海まで来た実感と達成感、地元埼玉にはない「海」という青いワクワクを感じていた

140キロ走ってこの感覚が味わえるなら、きっと日本一周という途方も無い距離を越えていけば、とてつもない「なにか」が手に入るんじゃないかって

そうだ、ロマンなんて言語化できるもんじゃない。

人には自分自身、それぞれのロマンがきっとある

それはプラモデルかもしれない、鉄道かもしれない、アイドルかもしれない、きっと無限大だ

あの海を見た瞬間、俺の走る理由は決まっていた、帰る理由は無くなっていた

それは小さい頃から持っていた感覚だった

俺だけじゃなく、多分みんなが持っていたあの感覚

小さい頃に友達と雑木林の樹液を回ってクワガタがいるか、ワクワクするあの感覚

おばあちゃんの家に向かう途中の高速パーキングに降り立った時の、家や学校の周りとは違う特別な空気感

秘密基地を作るための材料を探して、秘密基地を建てるあの高揚感

そんな言語化できないワクワクする「なにか」こそ、俺を走らせるものだった、それが分かった

そして旅こそ、そんな感覚が全て味わえる最高の機会だった

初日の暑さも毛虫も山も雨も

その後に見た大きな海も

旅というツールは、秘密の冒険をしているあの頃の感覚そのまんまの気持ちを味あわせてくれていることに気づかせてくれた

だからどんなに辛い1日があっても、次の日、走り出す時にはもう、たまらなくワクワクしていたんだ

早く次の町へ走っていきたくて

早く次の町の「なにか」を見つけたくて

ようするに少年だったんだよな

でも多分この感覚を鼻で笑う人はいない。馬鹿にする人も多分いない

みんなそれぞれ、形は違えど、そんな宝物を持っていたんだから。

いや、今だって押し殺してるだけで持ってるんだよ、きっと

俺はそんな宝物のような気持ちを、無くさない男でありたいんだ

馬鹿だって、変だって言われてもいいから、宝の地図を追いかけ続ける男でありたい。

そんな自分が大切にすべきものに、初日で気づけたのは俺の幸運だ

それから142日間 12328キロ

がむしゃらに走って来た

そんなワクワクを少しでもたくさん味わうために

走れば走るほど、体も強くなって、精神力も強くなっていった

気づけば初日以来、どんなに高い山でも押して登ったことはない。

どんな雨でも、暑さでも、最後は笑って越えられるようになった。

たくさんの人に背中を押してもらえたのもその一因だろう。

 

スタートの時18歳だった俺は

大学生活に慣れて、

周りのみんなとワイワイする楽しさも覚えて、

飲んで馬鹿する楽しさも覚えた

大人だからこそできる楽しさもたくさん覚えた

それでもそのワクワクに勝るものは無かった

だから19歳になっても、20歳になっても、旅してる

きっとこれから何年経っても

「旅」っていう形じゃなくても

きっと旅してる

だからみんなも

男だろうが女だろうが

若かろうが、歳をとろうが

仕事してようがしてなかろうが

そのワクワクに引っかかる自分がいるなら、その気持ちを忘れきれずにいる自分がいるなら、

自分なりのワクワクを

自分なりの「なにか」を

少しでも追いかけてみればいい

その小さな気持ちは、きっと色んな人を巻き込んで、いつのまにか大きな「なにか」になってるから。

にほんブログ村 旅行ブログ 日本一周(自転車)へ
にほんブログ村

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